This article is ridiculous for a few reasons, one being that archaeologists widely agree on what our ancestors ate, though diet DID vary from throughout regions; the Eskimo ate a shit ton of whale, the Massai ate a low of raw blood and milk, the Aborigines ate the stomachs of kangaroo, etc.

“You simply do not see specific, trans-regional trends in human subsistence in the archaeological record. People can live off everything from whale blubber to seeds and grasses. You want to know what the ideal human diet consists of? Everything. Humans can and will eat everything, and we are remarkably successful not in spite of this fact, but because of it. Our adaptability is the hallmark of the human species. We’re not called omnivores for nothing.”

Hoyes misses the mark here. Yeah, people can live off of anything, we see people living off of McDonald’s and Burger King and commodity foods, but is that the ideal diet? Because it can be done doesn’t mean it should be done, and it sure as shit doesn’t make that diet healthy.

“Richard Wenkel, a biostatistician who chaired the panel, explained: “As long as the diet of an individual keeps them alive long enough to successfully mate, then that diet has conferred an evolutionary advantage. By that metric, the agricultural revolution has proven to be the most effective dietary system in the history of our species. We are the most prolific higher-order vertebrate on the planet.” It is a point that he feels is overlooked by Paleo Diet enthusiasts.”

This doesn’t make any sense. We successfully mated for millions of years prior to the agricultural revolution, which only took place 10,000 years ago! What about the 2.6 million years we mated successfully? Compare 2.6 million to 10,000. They also don’t address that the health of generations since the agricultural revolution has steadily DECLINED. The CDC recently released a statement saying that 1 in 88 children are now autistic. If this rate continues, in 40 years it will be 1 in 2 children.

When Dr. Price traveled the world to explore native cultures untouched by modern civilization, he discovered that they had a lot of similarities. They all ate a lot of animal products and a lot of vegetables. They all regarded seafood, all of them. Some tribes would travel hundreds of miles just to obtain seafood, and it was usually reserved for couples trying to conceive, pregnant women and young, growing children. They were free of tooth decay, depression, mental disorders, acne, and generally free of all disease.

“Look at that British girl who lived off of chicken nuggets for almost eighteen years, ” Wenkel continued. “The fact that her body was able to utilize the meager nutritional value of those things and get her to reproductive age is an incredible feat. It shows exactly how effective our versatility has been in human development. In a strict evolutionary framework, all your body needs to do is keep you alive until you breed. After that, you’re just living on borrowed time.”

THIS GIRL WAS HOSPITALIZED FOR NUTRIENT DEFICIENCIES. I mean homegirl was literally told she would die if she didn’t give up the McNuggs. Read more about that incident here.

Here’s the thing about paleo: we aren’t trying to mimic exactly what our ancestors ate. Our ancestors ate a lot of gross shit, including blood, the stomachs of animals (including whatever the animal had eaten), raw organs (I do eat raw organs and it isn’t very pleasant), etc. It’s about eating what they rationally could have eaten, and it’s not just in the paleolithic era but even one to two hundred years ago. It’s about eating unprocessed, whole foods. It’s about eating vegetables, fruits, wild meats and seafood, eggs, nuts, seeds etc. It’s about eating as close to nature as you can, and avoiding modern day foods like GMOs, vegetable oils, fake meats, fake cheeses, fake food in general. And it’s not a strict set of rules, everyone is biologically unique, so it’s about tailoring this way of eating to your specific needs.

1 Comment

  1. You’ve missed the mark hard. The article you’re critiquing is *SATIRE*. You’re basically mad at the Onion.

    And you missed the big takeaway: “Look, the diet itself is sound; it’s the philosophy that’s bullshit. Eat what you want. Just leave the damn cavemen out of it.”

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